Unknown author
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we’re not thinking of you. Live with it.
6. Sunday Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
7. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, shotgun formations and carburetors.
8. Shopping is not a sport.
9. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
10. You have enough cloths.
11. You have too many shoes.
12. Ask for what you want. Subtle hinds don’t work. Obvious hints don’t work.
13. No, we don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
14. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank. We’re bound to miss sometime.
15. Most guys own two, maybe three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
16. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers.
17. A headache that lasts for 20 days is a problem. See a doctor.
18. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
19. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
20. Anything we said 7 or 8 months ago is NOT admissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
21. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
22. Let us ogle! If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
23. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
24. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
25. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions; neither do we.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we’re not thinking of you. Live with it.
6. Sunday Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
7. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, shotgun formations and carburetors.
8. Shopping is not a sport.
9. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
10. You have enough cloths.
11. You have too many shoes.
12. Ask for what you want. Subtle hinds don’t work. Obvious hints don’t work.
13. No, we don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
14. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank. We’re bound to miss sometime.
15. Most guys own two, maybe three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
16. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers.
17. A headache that lasts for 20 days is a problem. See a doctor.
18. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
19. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
20. Anything we said 7 or 8 months ago is NOT admissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
21. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
22. Let us ogle! If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
23. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
24. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
25. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions; neither do we.
