Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29the so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day too.
St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same, but it would be celebrated every month.
Garbage would take itself out.
At the end of the workday a whistle would blow, and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.
The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.”
Instead of “beer-belly”, you’d get “beer-biceps.”
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Two words….”Ally McNaked.”
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
Every man would get four real “Get Out of Jail Free” cards per year.
