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If Men Were to Truly Rule the World

Unknown author
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29the so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day too.

St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same, but it would be celebrated every month.

Garbage would take itself out.

At the end of the workday a whistle would blow, and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.”

Instead of “beer-belly”, you’d get “beer-biceps.”

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Two words….”Ally McNaked.”

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

Every man would get four real “Get Out of Jail Free” cards per year.

About the author

Bruce Forsyth

Bruce Forsyth served in the Royal Canadian Navy Reserve for 13 years (1987-2000). He served with units in Toronto, Hamilton & Windsor and worked or trained at CFB Esquimalt, CFB Halifax, CFB Petawawa, CFB Kingston, CFB Toronto, Camp Borden, The Burwash Training Area and LFCA Training Centre Meaford.

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